im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
