She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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