oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
