Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
