My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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