I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
i out mim tonsoeep
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
