the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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