So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
This baby is an asshole
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
