I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
