Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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