know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
