What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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