If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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