I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
