It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Dick very happy bro
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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