I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
