Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
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