check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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