we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
