even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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