At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
