My Higher Power is John Stamos
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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