Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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