We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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