If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
