We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
my liver is dry heaving
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
