I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
