I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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