The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I believe in your delicious
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
