Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
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We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
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She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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