if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
