No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
