I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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