I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
