I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
