My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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