so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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