love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
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So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
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He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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