if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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