I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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