The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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