why didn't you poke me back
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
