You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
