This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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