I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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