Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
