Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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