it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
