My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You pole danced in your parka.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
