I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
