It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
