Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Randomize
