I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
