ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
