true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
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