remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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