Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
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I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
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your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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