dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.