if i can run in heels then i can drive
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus