dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.