dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!