Just fell off a train. Bad.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.