Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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