8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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