I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
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If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
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There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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