Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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