he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I want to be your penis for a week.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
