to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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