Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
