so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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